How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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