They should really pass out barf bags in church
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well I just put wine in my tea
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
