he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
