i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
