I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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