On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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