Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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