Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Your cock deserves a montage
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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