I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
