Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
