So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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