I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
