She's JV to your varsity
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
