Christians are straight up FREAKS
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
