Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
time to smoke my breakfast
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
