so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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