Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
