there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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