And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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