miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
