Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
