I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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