Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
