i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She needs sedatives and a leash
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize