Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize