What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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