I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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