When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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