Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
