We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
