a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Of course I have a pirate flag
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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