Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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