dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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