Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
