I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
