You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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