he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
