I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
