My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize