Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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