I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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