I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
