I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
