i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
