well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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