If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
