So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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