Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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