He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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