Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
