At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
