god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
