just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
