***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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