Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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