party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize