If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
