You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
