went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
