Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
splinters make it hard to masturbate
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
