Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
