Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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