i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
