girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
