Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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