I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
