On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
