It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
