If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
