That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
pray to the hookup gods
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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